Hermit is a Dwarf Hamster currently living at the Petsmart in Logan, Utah. And I love him.
Let me tell you the story about Hermit Sylvester.
Once upon a time I was with my awesome boyfriend at the marvelous store, Petsmart. We were looking around at the fish, thinking about which one to buy for my roommate for Christmas (we decided it would be best to let her pick). We were walking down all of the isles or Petsmart when we came across the Hamsters. I then said
"Boyfriend! Look! Hamsters! I must have one! That one!"
Now, this was a very spur of the moment thing, so therefore, I did not buy him. But as the semester went on, I continued to think about my dear friend, Hermit the Hamster. I decided that, after 3 weeks of thinking and weighing the pros and cons, I would not buy Hermit Sylvester. For I did not live in a pet friendly apartment.
But. Then. Over Christmas break (which is currently happening as we speak), I decided that I would move home. And you know what that means? I can get Hermit because my house is pet friendly!
When I came to this realization, I was overjoyed. But alas, my overjoy-ed-ness would not last for very long. For I had to talk to my parents about it first.
To Be Continued...
And there is the story about how Hermit Sylvester came to be in my life.
Now, what I am asking you, my dear blog readers of America and Beyond, is this: Please convince my parents to let me buy my beloved Hermit. For I love him.
So, there's this guy.
His name is Brennan.
And, even better, he's My Boyfriend!
I know what you're thinking. You're trying to figure out how I, Sierra Noel Osmun, got a boyfriend. And an adorable one at that.
Let me tell you how I did it in the most simple of steps.
Shower. This step is vital to the boyfriend-getting. It makes you smell bearable (depending on what you do in the shower [i.e. use soap] makes the smell change). And, when you smell bearable, people can talk to you, because they can't smell anything nauseating radiating off of your body.
-Step One and a Half.-
Dry off. You'd think this was obvious. But it is not so.
Try and not be awkward. But then be as awkward as you feel. Because it's always best to be yourself and not someone less awkward that you are.
Go outside. Okay, I know that this is a hard one, but you just gotta do it! You can wean yourself to it and go out a little more every day, or just do it fast like a bandaid.
Say hello to someone of the opposite gender. Or the same gender. I don't judge. But either way, you gotta talk to someone in order for him to become your boyfriend.
**Don't forget to keep showering!
Make sure he likes Netflix. Or Flamin' Hot Cheetos. Or something that you like. Cause yeah, oposites attract. But there's gotta be somethin'.
Now, it is important that you do not skip any of these steps.
If you don't skip any of these steps, you will get a relationship like this::
I'm going to run away. I'm not sure where to yet. But I'm going to.
Or, is it really running away if you already live on your own?
Hm. I'll have to think about that one.
Anyway. I'm still not sure where to go. I'm thinking Disneyland. Or, it's even possible, that maybe,
I don't know.
But wouldn't it be great to go to Neverland? No parents, and you still get to be a kid. You get the best of both worlds! I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my parents. I love hanging out with them. I'm even hanging out with them right now. And I love being an adult. Haha, just kidding about that one. But still. I love my parents.
you just have to,
leave the nest.
And, where better a place to go than Neverland?
The land of fairies and kids, and laughter and freedom, and mermaids!
I freaking would love to be a mermaid. But that's beside the point.
What I'm trying to say, through all of this crap, is this::
When you wanna run away?
Just go to sleep. Or just figure out how many hours until Christmas. Cause, you know, that's always fun.
But there is something else weighing on my mind. It's called life decisions. And it sucks. Oh well.
But not really oh well.
Cause this is my blog, and I get to say what I want.
Except here's the thing. Sometimes, when I want to talk about things on here, I worry that people actually read this and get annoyed.
So you have three options.
One. I could talk about how much life problems suck.
Two. I could talk about my awesome boyfriend.
Three. I could talk (type?) about Christmas.
You know what I'm going to do? Talk about all three!!
So, let's get started.
Life is hard. And sometimes it makes you cry. Even when you're with your awesome boyfriend.
-STORY TIME: Last night I was hanging out with my awesome boyfriend, and I started crying cause he didn't buy me Hot Cheetos. Except not really, I was crying cause I struggle with making life decisions. So I was sitting there crying, and my awesome boyfriend holds me until I stop. The End.-
So basically, I really like my awesome boyfriend, I sorta hate big life decisions, and CHRISTMAS!
Have I ever told you about Christmas at the Osmun's home?
Because, if I have, get ready to read about it again!
Just kidding. I don't wanna talk about what we do. Just what I want.
And, obviously, this:
(It has dinosaurs on it.. With the names of the type of dinosaur next to them... And it's a set..)
And, really, I don't know how to end this...
Can I just express my anger about the show 'How I met Your Mother'?
It was awesome. I loved it. I loved almost every second of it.
I was, to say the least, obsessed.
-Side Note:: I don't want to make obsession look.. Not serious. Obsession is a very serious thing, and people should not take it lightly. But, right now, I am. So.. Hashtag don't judge.-
I absolutely loved the show. It was awesome. The perfect amount of funny, story, and everything else. Until the last season.
SPOILERS ARE VERY REAL AT THIS MOMENT.
(Does that black line on the warning sign boarder look crooked to anyone else?)
I liked the idea of the whole last season being Barney and Robin's wedding. But, it got really confusing at times. Still, I could handle it.
But then, THEY GOT A DIVORCE. AND THE MOM DIED. AND TED WENT AFTER ROBIN. LIKE WHAT THE HECK HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER??
Okay. Calm down, Sierra. It's okay.
I just really didn't like how it ended up. It was stupid. Barney and Robin were supposed to stay together, and the mom was not supposed to die, and everything should have ended up fine.
All I'm sayin', is that I'm not the biggest fan of the ending.
But, also, a lot of people weren't. I just wanted you to know that I'm in that category.
So let's not think about it! Let's just think (and talk) about poop.
Poop is a funny thing, don't you think? Yeah. It is.
Poop is always there for you. Unless you have some sort of sickness and don't poop. But I'm just going to assume that you don't have that sickness, and that you do poop.
Because pooping is funny.
Poop is always there for you. Poop is your friend.
Poop is the poop for me.
No matter what, poop does not leave you.
Technically speaking, it does leave you. Your body that is. But you will always have poop. Until the day you die. And then a little after that.
Now, poop can come in all different shapes, and sizes (and colors... but that's gross).
So do friends (except, the color thing isn't gross when it comes to friends).
But, again, we are not talking about friends! We are talking about poop!
It doesn't get enough credit.
Just think of how happy it makes people! When you get that big poop out of your rear end, and you barely have to wipe? I call that a good day.
And I think a lot of people would call that a good day.
Or, think about when you're just a little on the constipated side, and you finally get all that poop out! It's awesome! You have to admit that.
But it's awesome.
Once upon a time, when I was, like, young, my mom came to me. She told me of this amazing book that she had read while going to the bathroom.
This book, was twilight.
She told me all these amazing things and all these cool details about this book, that I started reading it myself.
Now I believe that my dear mother, whom I love so dearly, got twilight super popular.
I loved the book. It was great. By the time I was done with the second book, New moon, two things had happened.
1. I got super sad because New moon is a depressing book and I refused to read on, and
2. The twilight series had gotten very, very popular.
Now, the first time I came into contact with this book, I was mesmerized. The writing was beautiful, the story was captivating.
Once it got popular, I read it again.
This time, was not so amazing.
I started to realize how horrible it was. How controlling and abusive Edward was. How crazy Bella was to be in love with such a creeper. And all that jazz.
Now, I still liked the book. But then, the movie came out.
And that just ruined everything.
It's just a little on the stupid side. El Stupido.
But you know what? I was thinking that everyone has a right to their own opinion. And this is mine. And everyone can think what they want.
So I have this friend, right? Right. - I DO have friends, believe it or not. - And this friend, just happens to be a boy. And just so happens to be a boy that I am a little bit fond of. And he also just happens to be my boyfriend.
This was Halloween. NBD. We were a Cowgirl, and a Cow. Oh my freak how cute can you get?
SO basically, what I'm trying to say, is that he's adorable.
You know that moment when, you're listening to music, and a song comes on that just totally reminds you of someone, sometime, somewhere, and it just sucks?
Or that moment when, you're trying to help a friend in need, and they totally shut you down and become a jerk.. Even though you're just trying to help?
Or (this one is gonna be long) that moment when, you were nothing but awesome to someone, and they just totally started treating you like crap, and then suddenly stopped talking to you, and it takes forever for you to get over them, and when you finally do get over them, they start talking to you again, get you hooked, are a jerk again, and then totally yell at you and drop you again?
Don't you just hate that?
Yeah. Me too.
Okay. I know I've complained about a few people over and over again. And I know I just sound like a broken record. And I also know that I said I wouldn't do this anymore.
But like I always say.. THIS IS MY BLOG AND I CAN DO WHAT I WANT.
So here's me, being dumb again, and totally caring about people who don't care about me.
Let me start with something simple. Something that everyone feels sometimes. Something that can eat you up, or motivate you.
Sadness, I think we can all agree, sucks hard core. And, really, everyone feels it.
There is not one person who hasn't felt sadness. From that moment you're born and you see the bright light and it gets really cold, you get kind of sad. Cause you were so warm and didn't have to worry about breathing before. Now you do.
But the thing is. It get's better. The sadness I mean.
Now, there are some people who have felt it more than others. I could say people who don't have homes. People who starve. People who aren't free. But I'm going to say people who are in pain.
What is pain? It's different for everyone. A pillow hit may feel like a kick to the stomach to some, and it might feel like an ant crawling on your finger to others.
So that's physical pain.
What about the pain people can't see?
Raise your hand if you've ever cried yourself to sleep.
Haha, did you just raise your hand all alone in front of your computer? That was cute, you cutie!
But really, who has done that? I have. I for sure have. And it sucks. Crying isn't my favorite pass time in the world, I'm sure it's not yours, either.
And let's just talk about this for a second. Crying yourself to sleep. I don't even want to begin with the ideas of why you're doing it. I don't. Straight up, everyone has their reasons. Remember? At the beginning of the post? I said that people experience things differently (okay, maybe not in those exact words...), and something that's small to you, could be big to me. And something small to me, might be big to you. So I'm not even going to start. I'm not going to fathom.
And sometimes, you just hate everything. You hate life. You hate even yourself. But guess what? I don't hate you.
But you know what always makes crying better? Warm blankets, soft tissues, and a friend who understands.
Now. I know we don't know each other. And I know I don't understand. But listen.
But let's be real, it's a feeling that everyone feels in the feels occasionally. And it sucks. But it's a thing; and we need to recognize that because, if we don't, it's quite possible that we would to blow up.
So let's talk about it.
Let's talk about how, when you mess up, you feel so small
Let's talk about how, when you have 10-20 page views on your blog a day, you feel so dumb like you shouldn't be writing at all
Let's talk about how, even though you feel small
and dumb like you shouldn't be writing at all
you still try. You still get up in the morning and breath in and out. And really, that's all you pretty much need to do all day. If you do that much, I am proud of you. Because I know how hard it can be sometimes. I know how hard it can be to get tired and frustrated and sad, even though all you're doing is breathing in and out and laying in bed. I know how hard it is when you feel like you can't move, but you know you have to get up, and even though you can't move, you still feel exhausted; even though all you've done is lay there, staring at the ceiling. And yes, I know how it feels to be tired after just waking up.
It sucks. It really does. But listen to me right now.
You are NOT a failure.
And don't ever tell yourself that you are.
And if you ever feel like that, just look at this and remember that you can never let this little girl down.
I just cried a little bit on the inside of my body.
Here's the story:
I had this plant, my favorite plant, and I named him Steve. Because that was the obvious choice for an amazing plant, just like Steve. And then,
Steve died, much too young. But, you see, I kept Steve around for a very long time. A very, very long time. So long, I probably could have traveled to the moon and back in that same amount of time.
But I don't care! I don't care that everyone got annoyed when I wouldn't throw him away, Steve that is.
And today, I found that Jess Jess (who, back story, collects mugs) got two of her mugs out of the box they were in, and they were broken. I felt very sad for Jess Jess, and then I realized how strong she was.
She was about to throw away her broken mugs, which she loved very much, when I stopped her. I walked over to Steve, and said something very heroic that I may never be able to repeat. Or remember. But for now, we will say that I said this:
Because Jess Jess is so brave, and because I want Steve to be happy again, I will throw him away tonight. Maddi (who just so happened to be there as well) then went all "awwe" on me. And then, all three of us, together, threw away the beautiful mugs and the beautiful Steve.
So Halloween is coming up soon, and that's pretty exciting.
What's that? You want to hear my plans? Okay.
Me and my cute boyfriend are gonna sit our butts on my couch, eat pounds of candy, and watch scary movies, until we either pee our pants or fall asleep. It's pretty much gonna be one rager of a party.
But guess what? It's not Halloween yet. So I can talk about whatever I want to. I mean, this is my blog, so I can do that anyway.
So instead, I am going to talk about how AWESOME IT IS THAT STARTING JANUARY 1ST FRIENDS IS GONNA BE ON NETFLIX
OH MY GOSH MY LIFE IS COMPLETE
Freak. I am so excited.
But, I feel as though this topic deserves it's own blog post. Except, I'm just going to not do that.
FRIENDS is possibly my favorite tv show, like, ever. But not really, cause there's New Girl and That 70's Show and How I met Your Mother and The Office and Pokemon and all those other ones that are just awesome.
I slept in today. As well as a few days last week. I am just sleeping a lot lately. Which, I don't know why, cause I kinda don't like sleeping. I mean, I like how I can forget about everything going on around and just sleep.
And when I wake up, that few seconds before the world starts crashing down on me again and I remember every heavy thing life brings me? That is the best few seconds of the day.
Wow. I like that. I think I'll put it in a song.
But I don't like dreaming. Because the last few ones I've had have been nightmares. Nightmares full of dying and tears and pain.
So that's been fun.
Because I've been sleeping a lot (more than I'd like to), I've fallen behind in my classes. I am actually currently working on my math homework. Well, I mean, I'm sitting here, on my bed, blogging. But really, I am just taking a break from my millions of math assignments to de-stress and blog.
The silly thing is, I don't even know if I will be able to turn in these math assignments, cause the teacher doesn't allow late work. But she might allow mine. I don't know, it's kind of a long story. A long story that I don't want to share. So.. That's a thing.
I know, I know. You're probably reading this thinking something along the lines of "Why are you blogging? You should be doing your millions of math assignments and psychology assignments!"
I KNOW STAHP TELLING ME HOW TO LIVE MAH LIEF!
I just want to sit here and listen to sad music, cause it's a bad day.
In other news, I went to the ER last night! It was really quite exciting. And, I mean, I'm alive. So they did their job. So that's good.
And, I mean, it took for forever. Considering it was 3:00 am and the place was dead (ell oh ell), I think they could have done better, time wise.
My chest still hurts like a baby stubbing it's toe for the first time, but it's not anything like it was at 2:30 this morning. Oh my word. It was so bad.
Alright. So. I have this problem called I miss some people that I should not miss. Ugh. I hate that feeling. Missing someone who you shouldn't miss. Because, it's all, I hate you.. And I don't want to miss you. And I don't want to give you the satisfaction of me thinking about you. But at the same time, all I want to do is call you and see you and talk to you.
And then, I remember that I have the cutest, nicest, most amazing boyfriend. And I think "Wow, do I need anyone else in my life?"
And the answer to that would be no. No I do not. Especially not the person I missed a few sentences ago, you turd.
I really want to blog. But I honestly have nothing to blog about. Except Brennan. So, that's what I'm going to do.
Get ready for some cheesy crap.
Brennan is, as you know, my current boyfriend. And he is absolutely amazing.
As a lot of you know, and as the rest of you will learn in about .6 seconds, I have gone through quite a bit for someone my age. And yeah, it sucks. But I'm also grateful it happened. But that's beside the point. The point is,
Brennan sees this.
Brennan sees that I've been through a lot. And he sees that, through his eyes at least, I deserve to be treated so much better than I have been in the past.
He treats me like a princess.
I've never really been treated like a princess by someone like that before, someone who wasn't a family member.
And I love it.
He treats me like I deserve the world. And even if I don't think that's true, he does. And he simply acts upon that thought.
Brennan is Amazing. Brennan is life. Brennan is perfection.
Sometimes, I get really confused. Because listen...
Why do we need math? Like, I see why we need the basic stuff.
But why do we need the rest? The answer is this.
We learn hard math, so we can teach our kids hard math. And why? The answer is this.
We teach our kids hard math so they can teach their kids hard math. And why? The answer is this.
I INTERRUPT YOUR PLANNED PROGRAM TO BRING YOU BREAKING NEWS::
Okay so my jaw has been hurting for, like, two weeks now. And so I googled what was wrong with me, like any normal person would, and THIS CAME UP. OH MY GOSH I'M HAVING A HEART ATTACK.
I mean, don't get me wrong. I see how useful math can be. To people who actually need to use it.
So let the mathematician go divide and multiply to their hearts content! I'm not saying we should stop math. I mean, ask me about science and we'll have a completely different conversation. But listen, I don't think we should have to take math after a certain level. Certain level being jr. high algebra and geometry. And I know that we don't have to take math after the first few years of college, or even none of that crap because we placed out of it, but that's just too much math for me.
For those of you who read my blog regularly (Hi Mom!!), you know that I'm pretty weird. And that my views on having a boyfriend are pretty up and down. Same with my views on me getting married. One second I think it's adorable, and the next, I think it is gross-er (is that a word.. Is now!) than a squished poopy diaper.. At the beach..
But something happened a few nights ago... I'm sure you could guess... But I'm going to tell you anyway...
I GOT A BOYFRIEND. AH.
So... THAT happened.
His name is Brennan. And, he's pretty cute.
See? (Picture taken of a picture I took on my phone...)
Basically he's super cute and that's all. Also, he just so happens to think that I'm awesome, and I him.
So that's a thing.
Brennan came up to Logan to visit me this last week. And, oh my freak, it was so much fun!
You see, he's from Bountiful. And he came all the way here to visit me! It was pretty much adorable. But that's beside the point.
The point is.. Well.. I don't know what the point is... This is my blog, and I get to write about what I want. So ha!
Also, he drew me and a dinosaur.. I'll show you that one later. Spoiler alert:: It's awesome.
Lately, I've been feeling fat.
WAIT! Here's something...
--Now, anyone who knows me well knows that I don't like people who fish for compliments. I don't like skinny people who say they're fat just so people will tell them they're skinny, and I don't like gorgeous people who say they're ugly just so people will tell them they're gorgeous.--
And now, I will continue.
So, as I was saying, I've been feeling fat. Now, I'm not saying this to get you to go "Oooooohhhh Sierra you're not fat your awesome and skinny-minnie and gorgeous!!!"
Cause I know that is what some of your instincts will tell you to do. Because that is what we've been trained to do.
I don't want you to say that. I just want to get my feelings out.
So, as I was saying, I FEEL FAT. And I know I've been gaining weight lately, so I've been looking into stuff I can do to loose that crap.
My first idea was to poop. Which I did. I lost a whole pound!
After a few ideas that I brushed off, like working out and eating healthier, I came to the conclusion of "I still have no idea what to do."
If any of you have an idea, that would be great. I'm currently looking into a thing called my-ez-somethingorother. It looks like, from all of the reviews I've read, that it works. But the thing is, it is like... $500, and I'm a poor college student and that could pay for, like, half a textbook. So I don't know what to do yet.
WHAT I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE THAT'S A THING IT IS SO GREAT HOLY PISS okay but really, I love Sam Smith. He is my new favorite person in the whole wide world. Other than,
you know, you!!!!!!!
So I'm having a little bit of a dilemma. The struggle is real with this one.
You see, I have a spot. It's in the quad side cafe, which is in the library, which is on campus. And it smells incredible. And I can people watch all I want. And it's in the sun. And it's right by all my classes. And I love it. The only problem is, someone has recently taken my spot for his own. So, I'm not totally sure what to do. Because, you see, I love this spot. I don't know if I've ever loved something more than I love this spot.
So therefore, I need some help.
Whelll. Now that we've got that out of the way, listen to this
Pandora is a great thing. Until it turns to a song that reminds you of a heart break.
Or, that song that reminds you of a friend that you try and help.
We all have one of these friends. The ones that say they have no friends and throw themselves a pity party. And then, finally, when you give them the help and attention they so desire, they blow you off. And the next day, they start to say they have no friends again.
Or, maybe, they just ignore you and drop you like smelly cheese. And then say that no one likes them. And you're sitting there like. Yo. I like you. But guess what? You are a jerk and decided to drop me.
So shut the hell up, cause you don't have the right to say you have no friends.
I'M SO SICK OH MY GOSH I'M GONNA DIE SOMEONE COME CUDDLE WITH ME I'M TIRED PLEASE I JUST WANT A SNUGGLE RIGHT ABOUT NOW AND THEN I WIILL BE HAPPY PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE THE ONLY STRUGGLE IS THAT I DON'T WANNA GET ANYONE ELSE SICK BUT I WANT TO CUDDLE HARD CORE RIGHT NOW
I'm always talking about those who hurt me. I'm always saying how they ruined me, how it hurts to think about them. But I never talk about those who healed me. Those who saved me. Those who loved me and I loved back.
Today, I am going to tell you about one of those.
His name is Josh.
(I can't get these pictures on my computer, so here they are on my phone[this is at his farewell.].)
Anytime I meet someone named Josh, I think of him. Anytime I go to Lake Powell, I think of him. Anytime someone asks me who my best friend is, I smile, I think of him.
Have I ever told you about Josh? I'm sure I have...
Well, Josh is.. Josh is Life.
From the first day I met him, I knew there was going to be something there. And there was.
There are literally no words to explain Josh. I have been trying for the past half hour to say something about him, but nothing will do.
Let's try this..
Josh is my definition of perfection, and my little piece of imperfection. He is my idea of a happily ever after. And, as cliche as this is, he is the guy who makes me smile when I feel like crying. I could never see a future without him. Josh is...
My best friend.
Simple as that.
What's wrong with me you guys? I'm tired all the time.
On a completely unrelated note, what are the symptoms of mono?
Maybe I have mono. I don't know why I would though, I haven't been kissing anyone with mono.. Weird.
So I met a boy today. His name is Link, and he's attractive. Just kidding, I didn't meet anyone named Link today. But I DID meet someone named Brandon. And he really was attractive. He's in my psychology class.
In other news, I think I have a crush on this boy. What's up with that? It's lame, and I really don't want to have a crush on this boy. He's, like, my best friend. And this crush will ruin that. So.. Nevermind. I don't have a crush on him anymore. Holla achya gurl.
Lately, I've been saying "I hate you" and "I will kill you" a lot. And I don't like it very much. So I'm gonna stop. Not try to stop, I'm going to stop.
Also, I feel heart broken, sad, for no reason. What the heck.
For the past two days I've been looking at a lot of scholarships. I've found about 4 that I can apply for, and hopefully I'll get them. I REALLY need scholarships. Really bad.
But I guess everyone does, really.
The struggle is real.
It's just that, with the plans I'm making, there is a lot of money spending involved. I guess how that's how it is for everyone. But still! I'm part of that everyone category! And I think I should get some money!
Here's the thing.
I really want to do something awesome. And I'm not sure if it's going to happen.. So I don't want to say it yet.. Cause, you know, don't wanna jinx it.
Is that the right spelling?
But, to do this, I need some scholarships in order to afford it. So... That's a thing.
But, let's be honest, a lot of people pretend to be emotionally stable when they're really not. And I don't really get why. I don't get why we all have to pretend to act fine when we're really not fine at all and how when we are feeling fine we can't even do anything about it like throw a party, cause people don't notice a difference, because we're always acting fine anyways.
Why is it that we feel like we must hide our feelings and emotions?
I don't know. But I hate it. I want to celebrate the small things, the good days. I want to be happy when I'm happy, and sad when I'm sad. I want to express the feelings and emotions that I'm experiencing! I don't understand why that is just so hard for people to see.
But the thing is, it's not just hard for people to see. It's hard for people to do. We have been trained to not show too much emotion or feeling, because we're been told it's bad. But you know what is worst? Hiding how you feel, and being miserable inside but pretending to be happy on the outside. It took me a long time,
I've finally realized
it's OKAY to be sad.
Emotions, including the negative ones, are healthy. They are good for us, they show that we're alive! And I don't know about you, but I quite enjoy being alive.
So, I'm officially in debt for the first time in my life. It feels horrible. I'm never going to do this ever again. I just HATE textbooks. I only bought five! What the piss. I'm so poor it's not even funny.
I'm currently watching Reba. And it's great. I mean, I'm supposed to be doing my math homework, but..
Love is a hard thing to do. I don't just mean love. I mean trusting, falling, completely engulfed, your heart in their hands, know all your weaknesses, love.
Love is also a pretty strange thing.
You give your whole being to someone else. Put the power of destroying your life, in their hands. My question is, is it true that it is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all? Because sometimes, I feel the opposite is truer than true. That it's better to just take it all back and forget it all happened, because you hurt and hurting sucks.
But I'm getting off topic. What I'm trying to say here is, love is hard.
But you know what's even harder? Loving yourself.
I'm going to teach you how, though. In 3 easy steps.
1. Tell yourself you are awesome and that you love you for you and you don't care what others think.
No, seriously. Do it every morning in the mirror while you look at yourself. Because, the first few times, it's gonna be pretty awkward, and even hard to do. But keep doing it. Never stop. Tell yourself that you are strong, that you are amazing, that you make mistakes and that's okay, because everyone makes mistakes.
2. Don't judge, that includes yourself.
Judging is just something we as humans do. We judge individuals, we judge groups, and we judge ourselves. Straight up, getting judged sucks, and we wish it wasn't a thing. But it is. And we have to deal with that, because we can't change what others do or think or say. But you know what we can change? What we do or think or say. And we can make us, one less person to judge us.
3. Stop criticizing yourself and stop comparing yourself to others.
Yeah, sure, you done messed up. You did something wrong. But do you wanna know a secret? Everyone on this earth has done somethings wrong. It's a thing that happens. And you know what? You are unique. That means there is no one else that is exactly like you. Your situation is unique, your body is unique, your home life is unique, everything about you is unique. So how could you even start to compare yourself to others? Because, when you do start to compare yourself to others, you compare your worst traits to their best.
Now, I haven't quite mastered these three steps, and I haven't quite mastered loving myself. But I'm on my way there. And you will be too, soon. And yeah, it's gonna totally suck sometimes. But when it starts to suck, look at pictures of babies and puppies and kittens, then you'll feel better.
Day before school starts, I get sick. Awesome. I love life. But really, life is pretty great other than the sickness problem.
Classes start tomorrow, and I have a pretty rad schedule. I have two jobs so I'm gettin' paypur. And my apartment is awesome and full of awesome people. So I guess you could say life is going pretty well. Except for some days it's bad, so that's a thing.
I've been working all day all week, so that's why I haven't been able to blog too much lately. It pretty much murdered my feet and knees, but that's okay. Cause I got paypur.
And because classes start tomorrow, I am going to be busy a lot more, so I won't be able to blog as much. But, I mean, who knows, because I might just have nothing to do all day, so I'll blog all day every day.
Sometimes, I miss my best friends. The old ones that I don't talk to anymore. Or, more like, the ones that don't talk to me anymore.
You see, there are two people that, I thought, were my whole life.
Those of you who have read my blog before, probably know who I'm talking about. And, I know, I told you I wasn't going to write about them anymore (more him than the other). But I'm going to. Because I'm weakling. Also, yolo.
For those of you who don't know who I'm talking about, don't worry about it. Because there's no point in naming names of those who are in my past.
Him number one. Was my first real boyfriend. My first real kiss. And, my first real best friend. But are they really a best friend if they leave you? I don't know, that's for you to decide. And, haha, the funny thing is, I think about him.. Pretty much every day. And you know what? I absolutely hate it. Because he probably thinks of me a total of zero times a day. I seriously doubt he even thinks of me on my birthday.
Him number two. Haha, it's funny, this was recent. He told me his girlfriend didn't want him to talk to anyone who was involved in his past, whatever that means. And one, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who made me stop talking to my friends, and two, maybe it wasn't his girlfriend at all maybe that was his excuse so he didn't have to talk to me anymore.
I should just forget about both of them. They are not worth my time. So why do I keep thinking about them? Why do I keep blogging about them? Why do I keep talking about them?
Man, you know what I love? When people say that they hate fake friends. And they're one of your fake friends.
you're gonna go there?
Well. If you're gonna go there, I'm gonna go there too.
I know this saying type thing. It goes
You came into my life for a reason. Either you're a blessing, or you're a lesson.
I'm glad I met everyone in my life that I've met. Just kidding. Or maybe I'm just kidding about that? Man. I don't know.
I mean, I could have done without J. And D. And A. I really don't see anything positive that came from those relationships. I got played. I got forgotten. And then, I got torn apart from the inside out.
I've been trying to think, lately, about what I gained from those three relationships. Yeah, they were awesome while they lasted, but they weren't worth the pain they caused in the end. I mean, I don't know.. I don't know what my life would have been like if I hadn't gone through those "relationships."
What I'm trying to say is, they were lessons. They were blessings at one point, but in the end? They were lessons. Big, painful lessons, that I think I could have done without.