Saturday, November 14, 2015

Read This.


so you think you're a Failure
let's talk about that
let's talk about how,
when you want to cry
but you can't
so you do

I will never give up
on you
I will never stop
helping you
I will never lose hope
for you

See, you don't understand.
You don't know me, and
I don't know you.
But I love you.

No matter what you have done;
No matter what you have been through;
I will NEVER give up on you.

I love you.

Anxiety and Depression Advice


Friday, August 14, 2015

Loud Silence

Sometimes it's really quiet.
And I don't like that.
So I listen to music and try to drown out the silence.
But that never works.

So I sit, in my glaringly loud silence.

And the only thing about that, that brings me any kind of serenity, is that it is mine.

It is MY silence.

As horrifying as that is, it is something.

Sunday, June 28, 2015

Sorry 'bout That


I know. I suck. I haven't written in forever long. But that's only cause I don't have a computer at my new apartment!! Oh... Also, I live in a new apartment... I moved into an apartment in Ore, beginning of May! It's real fun, but I don't have a charger for my laptop, so I haven't had my laptop. Plus, I don't need a laptop per-say. I'm thinking I'm going to take mine back though.

Okay, so Updates... Let's think...

Elder Brennan Duggar is doing well, he's loving his mission. His birthday is coming up! And I think I got him some pretty good presents... Hopefully... Hahaha... Haha... Ha...

I'm going to Lake Powell tomorrow! That is gonna be freaking awesome. My friend Mimi is coming. Have I ever told you about Mimi? Well I will right now. Mimi is the sister or Sister Jones. A sister missionary in Brennan's mission. Brennan told me about Sister Jones, who told me about Mimi, who lives in Lehi. So we got in contact and started talking and she's freaking the best!

I'm working at Vivint Solar. I have been sense January, but I didn't remember if I had told you all about that... So yeah, now you know for sure! I'm about to get Jerrica a job there!

I'm also thinking about becoming a Nail Technician! I think it would be the coolest thing ever. I love doing nails, so I think i'd really enjoy it... So I'm currently looking into that, and hopefully that works out well.

Yesterday was my Coworker's wedding (Stacie), and me and another Coworker (Kastle), sang a song for the couples first dance. We sang "Never Stop" by Safetysuit. I really didn't want to sing that song. But whatever.

I started a journal!! Like, a real life paper one! It's crazy awesome, I love writing in a journal. It's the best thing. It's just a sketch book that I write in and sometimes draw in when I feel like it. It's way cool! I finished my first one in a little over a month, it's pretty exciting.

Okay, I think that's all I got for you.
Oh. Here's a picture of a baby.

Sunday, May 10, 2015

deciding I was beautiful was the best decision I ever made

Why is it that some parts of society makes it seem like being big is bad, when other parts of society makes it seem like being big is awesome?

Like this:

And this:

You see, you can never please society. Society is a wicked and cruel thing that, no matter what, will hate who you are.

And my question is, why? Why do we let this happen? Aren't WE society? Why don't we think things like this:

And this:

I just don't get why we can't change the worlds views. Everyone is thinking it! But, of course, that's obviously easier said than done.

One day, I decided that I was, and am, beautiful. No matter what others may say, no matter what society thinks of fat or skinny. I am beautiful. This decision changed my life.
I don't care what others think of my body shape, or of my nose size. I don't care what people think of my wardrobe, or of my hair (let's be honest though, my hair is awesome).

It's never easy to change a point of view. Especially your own. But you can do it. I have to remind myself every day that I am beautiful. That society is the one with the problems.

I love myself.

Friday, March 27, 2015

i'm just going to try and help you Understand.

When someone is dealing with something real to them;
they don't want to tell you.
sometimes when you let someone in enough to see the struggles you have, they walk the other way. Though it's hard to blame these people for leaving, it creates a serious feeling of abandonment. A feeling that you are, and always will be, alone. It makes there to be a need of secrecy, to hide your ugly. There is nothing more heartbreaking than finding out your ugliest layer of self is too ugly for someone you love to handle.

I just want you to understand something:
People with mental illness? They can't, just, snap out of it. They can't get better the next day. They just can't. If they could, they would.

Now let's talk about
How you don't really understand a lot of things sometimes.

You don't understand what it feels like to have no hope.

Don't post that you choose to stay, because there is always a tomorrow. Because you have friends and family counting on you. Because there are so many more things in life to do.

When you kill yourself, none of that matters. The only thing that matters is no longer feeling the pain.

No more crying yourself to sleep, or not being able to cry at all.
No more cutting yourself in places others can't see, because that's the only thing in life that brings you comfort.
No more.

So I know not a lot of people are gonna read this. Because my blog hasn't been too popular lately. But I hope Someone reads this and takes it to heart.
Because this right here? This is truth.

If you want more?
Look Here.

And if you need help:
Click Here

Know you're not alone. There are a lot more of us out there than you think.

Here is a list of things that you need to know, if you are going to date me.

1. If you're not sure if I'm joking, it's safe to assume that I am. Almost everything that comes out of my mouth is a movie quote, or a joke.

2. I'm really not trying to be as awkward as I am. I don't think I'm awkward. I really don't. I think people make things awkward, not situations. And I, just, don't make things awkward for myself.

3. If you have "normal" or "cool" friends? I don't want to hang out with them. Please don't make me. They scare me.

4. I'd much rather watch Netflix for like, I don't know, the whole weekend, then go to a party. Unless it's a house dance party. Then I'll go.

5. Yeah, I can be the life of the party, but if I don't feel the vibe of the crowd cause they're cray, I'm out. I can't fake that crap.

6. I will randomly break out into dance. My range is from a punk kid at a school dance, to this:

(I'll just give you a second to let that soak in...)

7. I'll make weird faces for no reason. No reason at all.

8.  I talk to everyone like I know them. I will act like they are my best friend, and make up a name and a whole back story. But they will just be some random stranger I just saw .65 seconds before you did.

9. I can listen to you for hours. I love listening to other peoples' problems, because it makes me feel not alone.

10. I'm really not as cool as I will look sometimes. Just wait for me to start talking.

11. I'm not afraid.

12. I also never get embarrassed. So if you do and feel that way, you gotta let me know.

Friday, February 20, 2015

I have no friends here.

Someone call me.


Monday, February 16, 2015

I would like one of these Please.

So sometimes, I wish I had was a man so I could grow out my hair and have a man bun. Because HOLY HECK THEY ARE SO FREAKING HOT. SOMEONE GET ME A MAN WITH A BUN.





Monday, January 26, 2015

Like a Broken Vessel

It's God who is in charge, let him take over.
Don't try and take the wheel, don't try and steer.

Sunday, January 18, 2015

I just haven't had much to say.

I know I haven't blogged a lot. I miss it too. But I just have nothing to blog about. I've been a little down.
But here is an update on my life.

I moved back home. Did I mention that? Well, I did. I moved home and am sharing a room with my sister. Which, it's fun, but I really wish I had my own room. Really, really wish I had my own room.
I moved home, and had an interview, and got a job at Vivint. I start a week from tomorrow. I'm a processing representative.
My boyfriend is leaving on a mission in 23 days, and that's pretty much super depressing. But we're having an awesome Valentine's day before Valentine's day (because he leaves on February 11th [which is before Valentine's day]) date, and it's gonna be awesome. I'm getting him some awesome stuff, but hopefully they come in time.

And basically, that's pretty much it.

Oh, and Friends is on Netflix now. So that's what I've been doing everyday all day.
I haven't been doing a great job of this whole social networking thing. Sorry 'bout that.