Hi

So. Um. Today was exciting. But not really.

In other news, I think I have a crush on this boy. What's up with that? It's lame, and I really don't want to have a crush on this boy. He's, like, my best friend. And this crush will ruin that. So.. Nevermind. I don't have a crush on him anymore. Holla achya gurl.

Lately, I've been saying "I hate you" and "I will kill you" a lot. And I don't like it very much. So I'm gonna stop. Not try to stop, I'm going to stop.

Also, I feel heart broken, sad, for no reason. What the heck.

This song.

Also, this.



Seriously. Watch it. Do it. Right now. Do it.

For the past two days I've been looking at a lot of scholarships. I've found about 4 that I can apply for, and hopefully I'll get them. I REALLY need scholarships. Really bad.
But I guess everyone does, really.

The struggle is real.

It's just that, with the plans I'm making, there is a lot of money spending involved. I guess how that's how it is for everyone. But still! I'm part of that everyone category! And I think I should get some money!

Here's the thing.
I really want to do something awesome. And I'm not sure if it's going to happen.. So I don't want to say it yet.. Cause, you know, don't wanna jinx it.

Jinx?
Is that the right spelling?
Anyway.

But, to do this, I need some scholarships in order to afford it. So... That's a thing.

Awesome.

Sometimes, you have those days where everything is going awesome, and then you run into a Unicorn and die. I hate those days.

I don't even know what's going on right now. There are people all around me, yet, I feel like I should eat a laffy taffy.

Emotionally Stable

Sometimes, I pretend to be emotionally stable.

But, let's be honest, a lot of people pretend to be emotionally stable when they're really not. And I don't really get why. I don't get why we all have to pretend to act fine when we're really not fine at all and how when we are feeling fine we can't even do anything about it like throw a party, cause people don't notice a difference, because we're always acting fine anyways.

Why is it that we feel like we must hide our feelings and emotions?

I don't know. But I hate it. I want to celebrate the small things, the good days. I want to be happy when I'm happy, and sad when I'm sad. I want to express the feelings and emotions that I'm experiencing! I don't understand why that is just so hard for people to see.
But the thing is, it's not just hard for people to see. It's hard for people to do. We have been trained to not show too much emotion or feeling, because we're been told it's bad. But you know what is worst? Hiding how you feel, and being miserable inside but pretending to be happy on the outside. It took me a long time,
but
I've finally realized
it's OKAY to be sad.

Emotions, including the negative ones, are healthy. They are good for us, they show that we're alive! And I don't know about you, but I quite enjoy being alive.

Julee is my guitar. Actually, she's Dallin or Jerrica's guitar.. But I'm claiming her as my own.

Here's the thing about Julee. She has flaws. Just like drop, my ukulele, and just like me, like the mist.

Lately, I've been feeling more flaw than human.

Like maybe I was a mistake, not supposed to happen.

But then I think to my self "Self! Shut up! You're awesome!"

And you know what? My self is right! I once heard this quote.

And I kinda wanna change that

and say

I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with.. Well... I don't know what I want to say to be honest.

I guess good intentions is good. I don't know.

I want to say something like love, or inner beauty, or something. But really, I'm just trying to sound deep and emotionally stable.

Which I am not.

But that's okay, because who IS emotionally stable? Not very many people, I can tell you that.
Look to my next blog post for more of this emotionally stable stuff. Cause I like where this is going.

a good one